hello.

got this crazy idea to draw all the faces of the people in my class and post in up here, but i think i'm going to go slow. i started with melissa's face cos shes the first in the list, but i ended up drawing geraldine tay's face instead. bah.

the melissa-turned-geraldine:



for those who knows whos gerladine tay, this looks freaking like her la.

haha.

had routine training today. i guess i'm pissed with adelyn because shes supposed to be ic and shes not even there. fine, and she hever even gave us a reason why she wasn't here. i only got one word to describe her.

IRRESPONSIBLE.

i was freaking pissed with her. how could she do this? she never come, shes the ic, and she didn't even tell us in advance she wasn't coming. even if shes involved in an accident, surely it wouldn't kill to at least message or call one of us? freak, i'm so pissed. so in the end cheryl took over.

pt;

pt was a killer. we had to carry 13 logs between us, of varying lengths and weights. we had to run around the field once, then attempt the obs course and complete it within 12 mins. in the end we took 32 minutes, and we had to run around the field with our logs 5 rounds. it was tough, and our morale wasn't that high. everyone was just plain exhausted.

footdrill;

foordrill was tiring too. we had to do 50 pumpings each for everyone's mistakes. great.

but anyway i did enjoy fd though my limbs were hurting. we learnt the hormat on slow march, god, it was so hard to balance. also, we learnt the 2 to 3 ranks drill and the reverse. it was pretty good.

toc;

it was fun. we learnt how to open and check the stretcher, and tiffany the bimbo 2 was my partner. we were under junxiang, and we had fun. it was a different experience for the nursings i guess, and everything was so seh-ish. haha.

changing parades;

justa sum up everything.

first cp was bad! sgt carmen was so pissed with us, and i was pretty disappointed too cos we took 12 minutes.that was long can. then it was later explained that cheryl had to bring ang mian to rest cos she was feeling sick and then our sdmates help them to change. still, i wasn't really happy with the 12 minutes cos we exceeded by 5 minutes! :(

the 2nd one i forgot abt it. :) sorry. then after the whole training we had to change into our pt kit in 4 MINS! ah. it was a bit too meagre can. but i'm really proud of our sqd cos we managed it in 5 mins. it was our fastest yet. and when we changed from pt back to uni we took slight longer than 5 mins but nonetheless i was happy, although we could have done better.


we were getting our ranks back! :) seh seh seh. when we were in our pt kit, sir junyang asked us " do you think you can wear your ranks like that?" and i was feeling depressed cos i thought he was saying that he weren't fit to be lance coporals. then, we said no and he was like " 5 mins change into your uniform go!" omg i was so happy can. so we could only wear our ranks in our uniform. :) :) :).

the feeling is so good. so good, i shall draw my rank.



i know its pretty pathetic only got one stripe, but i dun care what you think. i'm a happy girl now. :D

sometimes i just think people don't deserve the rank back. why? out of the 3 trainings our rank were confiscated, she didnt come for 2 trainings. what effort did you put in? we fought so damn hard for our ranks, and you didn't even come, and you get ur rank back. when we were sweating out bodies out, fighting with ourselves to push on, you were probably enjoying yourself somewhere. when we were being scolded for our mistakes and pumped, getting blisters on our palms and legs, we were sitting comfortably in your sofa. WHAT SORT OF LOGIC IS THAT?

never mind. i'm sure she knows she hasn't put in effort to get the rank back, and she doesn't really deserve it. may this haunt you. bah.

PISSED.

bah. now its like i'm quite a number of people's love consultant, so i better include some stuff in my blog. yeah. haha.

why do people like ME love to stay single?

1. because i love to be single, where you can be free of all the complications.

2. because steading with someone means something like a commitment.
as in, you are someone's girl, and you can't enjoy so much more freedom anymore.

3. because it will save you from embarrassment when your stead ignores you in front of his friends. its that ego thing again. -.-

4. you can't have much privacy. your stead would want to know everything about you. he gets jealous when you just speak to another guy with a smile on your face.

5. you waste money paying your telly bills and going for movies.

can't think of anymore at the moment, but hey, all this applies to me if it doesn't to you. being single is so much better.

bah.

today;

yinghua is involved in a car accident! when she wasn't in sch today i thought she was sick. apparently shes involved in a car accident and she hurt her left hand, the area below her left eye and her elbow. poor thing. haha. lemme show you a pic of her. haha.



the red parts where the ones which she hurt herself. the eye that one esp painful, she says. haha. her hand there got sprain plus bleeding i think.. then she got it bandaged, therefore the beige circle.so pityful eh? haha.

i finally decoed my table. yay. shall show you how it looks. went through a lot to get this thingy. bah. thought of it when i was looking at a barcode. yeah.



this is freaking ugly cos i was lazy to draw in everything so i just copy and pasted but the concepts there. yup. at first i wanted to draw this huge breakdown word, i shall show you how its looks cos its really nice, but when it ried to paint it with silver paint it so totally sucked.



nice, hor? what a waste.

went home today and alicia from 2i was walking behind me when she was like " biqi your bag unzipped"



embarrassing or what. how did alicia know me? ah whatever.

was drinking oreo ice blended when a lady came up to me.

" helllo girl ah not supposed to drink here" bah. she works at smrt but was not wearing her uniform.

sucks.

yesterday;

had pw bazaar. our stall was pretty successful, although the profit we earned was pretty little. who cares? we sold everything, thanks to everyone. muacks. bought a truckload of stuff cos everyone was bugging their friends la. then i only kept saying that i'll 'walk one round then come back'. haha. it was hot though, and i sweated as if i'm in a sauna. haha.

there were so much of the flour in balloon thingy, the test tubes, and the wire stuff around it was kind of boring, but it was nice to see the type of effort everyone put in. most of the time it was me and fandi selling the stuff, and xiaowei was taking her royal empress seat under the shade of an unbrella, while xing dong was busy bugging his senior, and xiaotian didn't even stand at our table hello. he was hovering around others' table except ours. irritating.

went home the time my specs screw dropped and i couldn't wear my specs. then was walking pretty blindly to the traffic light when i heard someone calling my name. who is it?

jin leng. haha. he was saying he almost couldn't recognise me cos i looked so different. then he said i looked like a pai kia. or however you spell it. haha. he looked like a pai kia himself, i retorted back. really. his hair was the spike kind though he didn't gel it, and he was wearing those typical black chain with the metal figurine i couldn't figure was what.. he bought sth from mini toons as a bdae gift for his friend. he'd better remember my birthday. :)

brisk walking to the opitican, i did a check on myself and hey, maybe i did change a lot.
1. my blouse tucks out more. a lot more.
2. my skirt doesn't cover my kneecaps anymore
3. my earrings are fanciful
4. i have short fringe. which covers the eyebrow.
5. my socks are ankle.
6. my hair tyer is not enitrely black
7. i'm wearing a friendship band on my wrist.

so yup. i can get caught loads for this by kiw man.

my bro plucked out his toenail! ah! gross. really. god. shan't elaborate, but he really pulled the whole nail out, and if you read my earlier post, i told you his nial was rotting. he even had to be injected with painkillers and stuff while the doctor pulled it out. an mini manicure on his 17th birthday! how unlucky is that?


today;

today i just suck in school. rats.

my table's really messy, and apparently miss wee doesn't like it. so she asked me to empty the bin, so i just rolled my eyes in front of her. i think she didn't notice, might as well. :( shes nagging and nagging. irritating. so i went out to empty it, dragging my shoes. what a pain.

history was worse. i din bring my textbook, and fell the lure of dreaming was far too good to resist, so i slept, and was suddenly awoken by ' why are you sleeping?' by a very pissed mrs wong. oh no. she was staring at me with that puny eyes of hers, pursing her lips into a tight line. ' wheres your textbook?' so i pretended to look for it, but obviously i couldn't cos there wasn't any, and it even got her more pissed. she yelled 'out!' which was sth i didn't want to do. my acting skills to the rescue. i plastered this pained look on my face, so she asked me if i was sick. then i said 'tummyache' and held my tummy. she was still pissed, i could see, but at least she wasn't going to chase me out of the class, not with a mild tummyache. there was an awkward silence, and then she continued with her lesson.

i won. applaud please. :)

haha. we are painting our class today, but i was too lazy to stay behind. its in soft shades of pink and purple. nice eh? :)

took 30 home with mian mian yahui qing yi myself and shunjie. haha. ate cup noodles. bought this huge softtoy pig keychain. kawaii neh. hung it on my hp. :)

lala.
ah!

i just spoiled my nice table deco. wtf?

i spent all my time drawing my word and then planned to paint it today.

the silver paint was really beautiful and shiny and glittery. but what? i suck with paints. i can't manage to grip that dumb slim rod of wood between my fingers and navigate properly without spoiling everything. lets just say i suck at painting.

i got the 'b' done pretty well except for the parts where there were sharp points which i didn't bother to colour. the effect was pretty nice. but when i started finger painting on the letter 'r' cos i thought a paintbrush was too useless i ended up with a huge blob on the 'r' part. grr!

so in the end i got so frusrated i tore up the whole vangard. violent, no? haha.

went out to buy silver markers and correction tape. finally decided to colour with the silver marker instead. haha. although its a lil expensive. burnt anothe hole in my pocket. going to buy the vangard again tml. sian.

we are having the pw bazaar tomorrow! i dun really look forward to it, my group sucks. really la. i dun care who read this, my pw group SUCKS! bah. its always fandi and me doing all the stuff, with the guys doing the bare minimum. wtf?

hansen is really scary. wow. oliver was right. haha. never mind if you don't know what i'm talking about. hes too enthu le.

went to blogskins, and found that they changed the layout of the whole thing. it sucks! and it doesn't help with the database problems. sucker. database problems everywhere. can't they find a good server or sth?

i think my brother's toe is rotting. like, seriously rotting. theres blood at the edges of his nail, and the toe nail is yellow with visible cracks. eeks! he better go to a skin care doctor soon, or even a nail doctor if there is one. :) is there?

oh, today is my brother's birthday. hes 17, hard as it is to believe. haha. i almost forgot his birthday, and just forked out a twenty to give him.

i'm feeling really bored. is there any nice site to surf? maybe i should go bowling sometime soon. really soon. i think i lost my touch on it already. :)
hey hey.

haha. kinda hyper now. went to the singapore post today to pay for my broadband and phone bill. then went to kfc and bought lunch. popcorn chicken!

haha. strode to century square and then went to aries to buy this pair of huge round ear studs. that level is so girlish. everything for girls. lingerie. slippers. shoes. ladies' tops. nail and beauty and hair salons. century square had op! haha. tough competition huh. but the stuff inside are pretty much the same, except that the shop has more space and is nicer. i considered buying the thongs, but they were too expensive. i might as well get a pair from ripples.

was passing my the shops when colourful earrings caught my eye. ah! very nice. they came in all sorts of shapes and sizes so i din know what to choose. so i asked the attendant to let me see the whole box. he was about.. my age la. dunno why he was working there anyway. short of cash? :) while checking out the earrings, i could sense him staring at me so i looked up and was like, food stuck on my teeth? a huge pimple? heaps of dandruff in my hair? so i asked " what?" and he was like " er, nice ear lobes." then i started laughing and laughing. nice ear lobes? haha. ok, maybe the huge black round earrings caught some attention. haha. my face was turning red and he was laughing too, but not as loudly. haha. in the end i bought two pairs of earrings and he was such a nice attendant. haha. the earrings were cheap too!

next stop was popular to buy the stuff i wanted for decorating my table. nice yinghua has bought a nice huge black vanguard paper for me so i just bought gold vangard. it was really gold, though, not just the colour. its had that kinda glittery shine. yup. and i bought 2 paintbrushes to paint my words and silver paint. the paint was nice! burnt a hole in my pocket though.

went to montip. there was this new counter they built which displayed the earrings and had this girl standing there.

went to friendster just now, and found this lame user who created the account esp for people who felt that they were chio or shuai, then they would add that user and if he or she is chio enough, the user will add that girl or guy. waste of time. and every month the user will change display pictures. the pictures are of those who are the user thinks, among his friends is the most good looking.

crap.

so i went to see how people defined ''good-looking'', and most of what i saw were girls. looking at their display pics is like looking at the same picture. it all contains:

1. girls with freaking straight rebonded hair
2. opening the eye BIG BIG sparkling and watery [ the cam is only like two inches away from their eyes ]
3. with jap style fringe, usually covering their eyes half at least. some have their fringe slanting across their face.
4. with a sweet looking innocent smile

typical. why do all the girls like to take pictures like that? i guess guys like girls with big watery eyes. they probably drop eyemo into it every moment of the day. and their photo must be photoshopped! haha. i think so. the way their face is flawless is kinda unbelieveable. besides, it doesn't take much skill to clear those fugging spots on your face. takes only a small skill.

hopes my table turn out nice. not like june, spent freaks 10 hrs on her table. haha.


had rountine today again as usual. brought 3 1.5 litres bottles to school. sacrificed my precious recess time to go to some toilet and watch as the tap fills up a 1.5 litre bottle. sian, no? we had to have 60 bottles, and i carried 7 to my class cos i was sitting a the side so it was easier for me to keep all the bottles. stepping into class, mdm tay was there. her eyes widened when she saw me trying hard to balance the 7 huge bottles in my hand and she was like " hey girl why you carrying so many bottles? are you going to finish them all?" i had to restrain myself from rolling me eyes at her. hello, she means that i am going to finish 10.5 litres of water myself. ain't it something too unrealistic? haha.

end of school was really disgusting. this tub of choco ice cream just popped up in my class, and the guys and some girls started eating it. worse, jiajin was galloping around the class with this gooey mess of choco ice cream in his hands, and he smeared it on june's face. i just sat there doing my work when he came over and smeared a handful of disgusting cold and sticky and icky ice cream on my face [ the left cheek to be exact ]! grr. i hurriedly wiped it off with my hands and smeared it on this plastic bag. then later when i left the class jiajin was chasing cherie to get his revenge but it ended up he smeared another handful on my right cheek. wth?

i've edited this post cos i wrote some bad stuff about my training. yeah.

anyway there's no scoop or anything. i just think that the sudden stepping up of training is a lil too much for all of us, and we were obviously not prepared. 6 changing parades! :( and i dun care whether they said we put in effort or not because we did put in effort. its up to them to believe it. maybe not the effort till our limits, but our best effort at that point of time. of course i know they keep saying that its been done before and so on, but its different cos this time we aren the ones who are doing all these. i mean, telling and doing is a different thing altogether.i just think they pushed us too hard all of a sudden and some people in my squad were not that.. adaptive. we tried to help them, but the whole scene was too chaotic. you can't really blame us for having super low morale. morales have to be created, but at the correct time. with the correct feelings. its not that we'll only have high morales when things are easy, and have low ones when things are tough. the training where we had super high morale and was led by sgt sin ee and eugene, we got high morale right from the start. how would we be able to see if the pt was going to be easy or not? but the pt turns out to be easy. it just adds on to our high morale, nothing more. last training, we had to do 1000 pumpings and the 4 sets, it was tough, though not as tough as this training, but we still had high morales. i know our instructors were trying to prepare us for jnco, but this is really too sudden. i guess its over already, so theres no point in blaming anyone at all cos my sqd, the so called 'unthinking loser and crap' sqd was at fault too. maybe i should state a few reasons why all this things went awry.

first, we were running to and fro the toilets and classroom. fine. and the people who stood in the corriders just stepped aside and loudly exclaimed " wah so shuang people running past us got free wind." its just ridiculous. try changing and running like that.

the toilet was too cramped, and with the staff toilet breaking down, it was not much of a help either. plus most of the cubicles were occupied and the OM was inside one of the toilets. when she came out, she was staring at us and going " do you guys always do this?" and we were like chorusing " yes!" . miss wee was there too, and she was trying to squeeze out to the toilet , making tsk tsk noises. hey, its not like we wanted it this way.

things were missing, and the whining and screaming didn't help at all. and with the instructors yelling " hurry up!" outside the toilet and staring at our progress didn't help either. it just made us more flustered and scared.

first time we were pumped, it was on the burning hot brick floor. really hot, leh. not just your typical heat from the sun that kinda hot. its the kinda i can't take it anymore hot.the groud was rough and hot. so hot that we had to keep moving our fingers as it it touched an iron.

got scolded really bad by sir junyang, saying that we were stupid and unthinking. i was so pissed i was restraining from crying. of course we were messy and dumb, but he didn't have to downgrade us like that. he could at least said it in a nicer way. is he just unfeeling? that time we went for the efa exam and he just strode to us and said to elvina and mian mian " eh you got so many wrong" [or sth like that, but whatever, to that point] and walked away. then mian mian started crying, afraid that she would fail the test, and was saying " sorry nc2 i have let you guys down and disgraced you guys ". she DIDN'T. i'm sure she didn't.mian mian's crying triggered off elvinas tears, and we felt so sorry for the both of them.

i just hope our sqd will stay together, and samuel to please come for trainings. just please. out sqd will never be complete without you, and where are the promises you made to us? :( and i hope to have a great training with the sec 4s next sat, since its their last. i dun think they are looking too forward to it, but maybe we'll prove them wrong. who knows?

tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.

gary sent me this thingy regarding the sec 2 level camp and whos in which camp group. so here it is if you're interested.

http://xeon.f2o.org



can someone buy me a star mogu cushion for my bday? pretty please? please la. i want pink . :p
bonjour. :)

back from a long shopping trip from the supermarket. bought all the necessary ingredients for tml's home economics practical. feeling kind of excited. haha. proves im not that a regular cook.

was learning about life sciences in bio today. mdm sim was just giving us a brief introduction. and she was talking about girls having a hourglass figure and guys having huge biceps. :) she asked jerome to roughly show what a hourglass figure looks like, but apparently he was too uncomfortable with showing how it looked like so he just shook his head. then mdm sim called upon jiajin to show, and he was more than happy to show how an hourglass looked like. bah.

do women nowadays still yearn for big butts? i thought it was a different case now.don't they want small butts already?

for one i thought huge butts looked disgusting because you looked like you just gave birth to triplets. jolin tsai herself claimed that asians have flat and big butts but hers is small and perky. well, i've never seen her flaunt her butt before, so i'm in no position to comment. but it was a little thick skinned of her. X)

enough about the butts. its not like i cared.

now lets get on to the breasts. :)

i was told by my tuition teacher that 1 in every 4 american girls wanted to have breast enhancement on their 16th birthday. like, what are they thinking? but whatever, worse part is their parents agree. so if you have this horrible idea on your mind, let me tell you - silicion bag leaks! silicon jelly EXPLODES (sort of) sometimes under the hot sun! why go through all that trouble to have big and bouncy breasts?! some people had breasts so big they wished they never had one to contemplate with. so they chop it off to reduce the risk of breast cancer.clever eh?

we learn something new everyday. :)

learnt that doddleboard's up again, but this time it only provides service to those who yhas an enchanced account or was a past user. i was, but i forgot my user and password.

OH GREAT.

done for the day.




i don't know why, but i suddenly hate people who type like this:

i'm lurbing eu foreva. dun eva forget mi kays. eu know how important eu are to mie. i wiish upon a starr. decided tuh do thats. if nort thats too bads for eus.

-.-

firstly, of course i must say i have used this kind of language before. cos it was like, popular or something?

but now i abhor it totally.

i don't know why people use it. esp girls. i figure guys think its too gay a language for them to use.

oh, maybe girls think it will make guys go :

" oh freak! that girl is so freaking cute! she uses such irresistable and cute language! i think i've fallen in love with her!"

no you haven't. what you have fallen in is the dumb way she types and presses the keys into the computer.

i don't see any sense in typing that.

why, ain't it better to type in orginial english? instead of all the fake act cutesy language?

people who have nothing to do.i'm referring to the general public who use this language. not anyone in particular.

and oh, thats not the worse yet. i've seen people who types like this :

H3Y tH3R3 @Re YoU All RiGhT? R3M3mB3R ThaT i LoVe U 43v@.

holy cow.

first, it spoils the eyes. you have you squint and wonder about the write is exactly trying to convey in his message. 'e' is typed as '3'. what is that? means we have to take a mirror and flash at the monitor and finally realise that thats an e?

secondly, its so hard to type. unless you are a pro at typing like that, you have to mentally remind yourself that 'a' is typed like '@' instead of 'a'. if you had to type out your lit essay like that i don;t know how many days it would take you, provided every single alphabet is fancy and some is in caps while others is not. its much easier to just type " hey there are you all right? remeber that i love you." and i just timed myself, i used only 16 seconds. for the former, i must have used twice the time.


i don't know whats come over me to critise like that.

whatever. take it - leave it. :)
todays sian day.

haha.

actually i was going out then suddenly din felt like going.

guess i was feeling wierd.

was almmost sleeping the whole day long. mugging and stuff.

looking for blogskins apporiate for squad blog with me darliing tiffny.

whoots.

shan't talk further.

just everyone takkaire of ourselves kayss.
had st john today. we did good. i think.

had home nursing. scored 19/20 for oral med test. yahui got 19.5! no fair! hmmph. haha. she rocks.

we sorta relearnt oral toilet, but hey, we learn something new everyday. and i learnt lotsa things i din know about.

the taiiwan people came to see wad sj was all about. they were laughing at us when we did drill.. ingorant people.

drill was okay. i was pretty dehyrated. din get to drink sufficent water. and was like din have lunch.yeah.

afterward we had pt. hello i din know we were more high during pt than the rest. we did exhausting stuff.

i sorta love traiining. yeahs.

din see him

i suddenly had no mood to blog - excuse moi.
just went out to buy some stuff. yeah.

saw KAHUI! hahaha. long time no see. she looks tan? i guess ba.

haha my st john bagde is nicer than hers. hohoho.

act her also nice la.. gb one.. she was going for her piano lessons? yup.

i love yoo. bo0.

5 taiiwan ppl came to our class today. one of the girls nubbad chio .. haha.

the guys.. dun tok about it..

haha having stjohn tml. having tuition lata.

tonghua is like so freaks nice. boo.

the mtvs nice too ; though i struggled like siao to listen to it on jerome's small hp screen. and worse, its not full screen leh. its like, 1/2 the screen only. -.-.

went to mac today to eat. cheryl bought teenage cos she saw sly. lmao.

heya. blogging. again.

i found many many people's blog. but lazy to update. wuhaha. shall find time for it lah. soon.

apparetnly miss tan was PISSED with us today. seriously pissed. really really pissed. cos we were running the 5 rounds around the field, and we were clearly given instructions to like, RAISE our hands when we finished. and guess what. we DIDN'T. yeah. so jason raised his hand TWICE, which made miss tan even more exasperated. yeah. so she made us run 2 more rounds as like, punishment. felt like boxing her. then when we ran finish we were raising our hands upright like siann.. then junwen was on the verge of puking when we went to home ec class.. miss tan is so downright sick.

we are having a squad chalet, which is so freaks cool. i'm loving it. =p cna't waiit to organize the games. when i am probably organising. yeahs. woohoots.

poeple are adding me on friendster. hello, people i don't even know. esp from victoria secondary. hey, en quan has done a great job of introing me to his friends as if i was desperately looking for a boyfriend. hello, i'm not.

so not. cos my heart snagged by someone else. hahaha.

checked out sth today. gonna buy it. yeah. whoots.
boo. now june and i are in the com labby slacking away cos we are having home ec! i am gonna kup fandi's pizza lata. whoots.

finished doing the worksheet liao.

miss tan is a sadist.

boo. time for recess.
yeah. just changed my skin.

this is simple rights. and nice. :)

got that dumb debugging thing. crap.

i think my maths so gonna suck.

helped bravo today.

i love messenger 7.0.

so cool..
okay. so i shall stop talking about love and love and love.

i can't garantee that though. too bads.

dun see my blog la.

hmmph.

hohoho. jk.

went to samantha's hse today wid jean to do eng project.

she had a dog fifi. so kawaii! i love her. i picked her up.

shes tame la.

shes a chiwahwah. or isit chihuahua?

i think its chihuahua.

jiahui enlighten me. you are so pro in english. X)

then sams house is so nice la. private housing.

then she got a sis named natasha. nice name? yeah.

so we went upstairs to do the project, and fifi's been trained not to go upstairs.

so cute loh.

yeah. then later fifi was brought upstairs.

sam had this two pairs of bedroom slippers form the ritz carlton hotel.

its like walking on sponge.

no kidding.

then we finished the project 2 hours lata. it was fun cos we kept prank calling gary and thaddeus using nat.

then jean so nice taught me piano.

i learnt a piece cos it was a duet.

of course i played the damn easy part. hohoho. gonna try it in sch tml.

nice nice nice.

my blog's rotting.:)

really rotting, so i decided to blog. yeah. blog.

had efa re exam yesterday. my cpr sucked.

adelyn's a coward.

i'm just pissed with her.

hmmph.

aiyah shan't talk about unhappy stuff.

really been thinking a lot lately.

i shouldn't be doing this.

aiyah.

i just SUCK.

here's sth nice i got.

you tell me - kim llerena

what does it feel like to be in love?

does it soothe -
like a soft mist dusting your neck
cooling your shoulders
relaxing your tensions?

does it seize-
like a unrelenting grasp over your being
your smiles and your tears
your common sense and your emotions?

does it excite-
starting at your toes and rising to your chest
then your throat where it holds its breath
until it can't help but scream?

does it confuse-
am i supposed to feel this way
does he feel this way? why does he lead it on?
what is it in those eyes that makes me so flustered?

you tell me.

does every smile, every glance, every chance meeting
feel like a promise to love you back?
not because that's what you really think
but because it what you need to think
to keep the hope of a fairy tale romance
from fading?

does every conversation
linger for days?
every frame
clear but unreal
in every daydreamy rerun?

you tell me.

does he consume yur mind
day to long-awaited day
until everything had lost its orginial luster
when he isn't around
to charmthe scene?

does every playful poke
make you float above cloud nine
like you're rising but staying still?
does every friendly hug
force the corners of your mouth up to a stupid grin?

why do my knees become uselessly weak
with every meaningless touch-
or even when he walks within 20 feet
of my personal space?

you tell me.

does it feel like more than just a crush
or a silly infatuation
when he talks to you
just like you would imagine a soul mate would
and laughs at your jokes?

" if it feels like love it isn't love?"

you tell me.

because what do i know about it?
i'm only a kid right?
heck, i've only been in love once or twice.

** for me, love seizes **
got a sudden crave to cut my hair to shoulder length. hohoho.

i dunno why too..i'm just siao. thinking of the time it'll save me and stuff.

i dunno la. i think i'll look ugly in it.

had chinese test today. ah i think i'm gonna fail.

maths test too. and history. ooh..

boo! i feeling so hyper.
i'm starting to think a lot now.

i don't even know if i should continue.

i'm confused. i'm hurt. i don't deny.

i know you would never read this and admit that you do.

maybe, for all i know, by some lucky star i will get to be with you- alone.

but its never that easy. ain`t it.

i think that its impossible.

you and i, are two worlds apart.

but what keeps the thin strand of hope alive in me-

is the way you look at me.

i can't exactly decipher your glance.

but i can see.

and i think i got the answer.

an answer that i don't really want.

you will never know who i really am.

cos i'm just a ordinary girl in your eyes.

i may be emotional, but i'm strong.

but sometimes, when the emotions start to take control, i can't stop but cry.

like what i am doing now.

is there really a chance for us?

what do you see me as?

i try to forget you. i can't.

i really tried. i really did.

why did god let me know you?

he let me had happiness.

then so much paiin.

whats he trying to say?

that you and i can never be, and we'll stay like this forever?

you and i are so near, yet so far apart.

can you see the longing in my eyes?

can you?

it hurts me like a knife stabbing thru

when i think of you.

will you be there for me- if i ever hollow up?

do you even care?

i doubt you even give a freaking damn about me.

i'm just a typical girl to you. a girl who you don't want.

please. please. please.

show something to me.

don't just stand there.

don't just watch me hollow.

come over and save me.

i'm falling.

hard.

i hope. pray. and wish.

that one day, if i was good enough for you, you'd come and tell me.

but i have been waiting to hear.

the longer you wait, the more i fall.

i hope that at the end, my fall would be cushioned.

by you.

i don;t mind falling.

and hurting myself.

maybe i'll even die.

but whats the point, if i found that you don't have such feelings for me?

i'll rather die, and be reborn, if i am good enough to be.

please fill me up.

please.