yes i covet a lot of things. i don't know why but eclipse made me love that word a lot. :D

i found the most gorgeous dresses with the best of colours, (all hail green! whoo i am such a just oyrx member ain't I?) which i can picture to be a perfect addition to my wardrobe. It's TOTALLY GREEN SCARCE. SIGH ): but i told myself now studying so won't have much chance to wear also. :D i'm damn good at pacifying myself.

when i stepped into adidas i was sweating real BAD (i have no idea why but it was like i just ran 2.4) and i kept fanning myself then the adidas guy so nice give me tissue! best service ever.

SHOP SHOP SHOP I LOVE SHOPPING.

uefa cup finals tonight i bet the majority of male species are gonna be awake all through tonight. & i will be too, because I AM GOING TO WATCH FATED TO LOVE YOU. Hurrah!

tuition sucks sometimes and now i'm going to teach my kid's brother ZZZ. i hate it when she doesn't do my homework and i will have nothing to do during lessons except sit there and watch her finish her work so i always have a book on hand to pass time. WHOO getting The Host tomm so i'll have another new read!

do i sound a bit high? i'm sorry i think it's cause i just stocked a freaking huge bag of fredos in my fridge thats my absolute favourite and i have my sweets and drinks so in other words, i am a happy happy girl. an overdose of endorphins. :D ironically i intended to do an emo post but now the feelings are diluted and i can't come up with anything right now, but hey. give me some time,

& ME WILL BE BETTER THAN EVER.

i love this song! from the fated to love you OST.



i think sometimes we forget to breathe.
I'll accept everything blindly, okay?
accept it like it's all coincidence.

Valentine

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are, for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

- Carol Ann Duffy

did this for literature class today. :D very meaningful, and like derek told me, it makes all other carefully thought valentine gifts seem so.. shallow. Literature is the only subject that makes me feel I'm really learning and enjoying the lesson at the same time.

Yes & i will help you in your crime
You win.

you'd hear it sometime, baby.
whether you want it or not.

exhausted. had lionel leong as our coach for today our usual coach's overseas. the way he talks is like reallyyyyy slow! i mean i know he's old and all but still.. sigh i'm sorry. ): he says he's very impressed with us 'cause we're doing really well for 4-5 month old bowlers, but i keep wondering, do we really play that well for a beginner? the other school coaches said the same when they saw us play at nationals.. keeps making me wonder but oh well why should i be too bothered by it? it's a good thing. we'd be having vicpro selection trials for the milo cup soon; i'm not particularly interested but overseas competition in malaysia does sound exciting.

i can't keep my hands off eclipse, and every single time i read it i feel like i'm plunged into their world. it's a little like the way dumbledore brings harry potter to see tom riddle's past in the Pensieve each time. like you're right in the thick of the action but you aren't exactly physically there. i love reading it best from 12 midnight onwards! :D explains my eye rings hahaha.

my brother just came bouncing to me with the theory that crying in the shower is the best, because when your tears are mixed with the jets of water streaming out of the showerhead, you can easily deceive and convince yourself that you aren't exactly crying. -.- i don't know where he got his sudden thought from but i must admit i do agree. it's silly, really, if you do think about it. but long ago i've acknowledged the fact that we do need to lie to ourselves sometimes, and i even told him i think crying when you're running etc is actually better because when your tears mix with sweat and grime it's a whole lot.. sexier and more OMPH! like.. more gan3 jue2 you know.hahahahhahahahaha he just said i was sick and walked away. ): so much for sharing my thoughts. but then again, my personal one-liner:

crying does not make defeat less bitter.

i totally regret saying in school that i miss school. when i reach home and think about what i saw in school, what i did in school, everything makes me wanna go WTF and i feel like throwing my printer out of my window.

alright let me calm down. on a happier note, i finally, finally got my very own


bestest birthday present ever thank you (: & i think everyone thinks i'm smelly cause i got mostly body products as presents? got face shop's white diamond perfume, body shop body lotion + scent collection, anna sui's ohh la love and some totally bitch! (thanks) body wash. THANKS EVERYONE I GOT YOUR HINT. ):

okay happy mood over.

it's hard trying to sound happy when you actually aren't, so i won't bother pretending. i think the words WTF are probably scrawled across my face right now.

and because i am so happy right now i will go blog in my other space. content is probably severely offending. oh ha this blog's morphing into some.. i don't know. fuckspace.

I HATE SCHOOL!

You Disappoint Me.
disappoint .disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint. disappoint.
i don't know what better phrase to describe what i just went through the last hour. damn. emotional roller coaster? apt, but not quite there.

screw it.

ah well. get smart was relatively good, anne hathaway looked damn gorgeous in the movie. this was like the first movie i caught over the holidays? all because i was insistent i wouldn't sit in a movie theater screening a panda who can do kungfu and has like leopard friends as kungfu mates.

school tomm! ): HATE SCHOOL never wanna go back take back my bloody cts or do mass pe or sing the school song wear the school tie or attend boring assemblys. How could one month have passed so quick? Which means end of years are coming (wth) but it also means a few months closer to december holidays and maybe finally meaning able to go back. (: that's the only only thing i'm looking forward to.

please let the rest of 2008 be a hell lot better.

so tight blisters have formed, hands have become calloused and skin's peeling off. (maybe it's time?)

in a jovial mood :D

i just went for my first jab for the vaccine against cervical cancer (each jab costs bloody $200). wasn't planning on doing it initially but my mum keeps going about how almost all my ahmas had cervical cancer and my aunties blah blah i think she was only short of saying my ah gongs and uncles had it. -.- & the nurse keeps going "you're 17?! perfect age for this vaccine leh most effective you don't want mehhhhhh". So I finally did it. I was so scared it's gonna be painful but in the end i didn't even grimace! :D it's much better than donating blood pls. in fact i think i am actually looking forward to my 2nd and 3rd jab, and by let's see.. decemeber this year my body shall be totally immune to cervical cancer! Hurrah.

Alright off to shopping & movie! why does it seem like the world has watched panda huh but it's okay i'd make do with zohan/get smart.

toodles till then!

& i guess you've been wanting to hear this for a while (but even if you didn't),
(You can) keep the rendezvous going.
bleddy tired. i hate how school is starting in a few days and i am still grappling with unfinished homework and tuition & proj timings, and getting constantly annoyed by cancelled dates.

rather happy with my performance today :D the only thing now is my dumb muscling of the ball and not letting it into a free swing?! Muscling is like my mortal enemy and it doesn't go away even when i try really hard to get a free swing ): was actually quite happy i missed the first hour of training today i think it was like pep talk session by coach. when he starts pepping it's actually kind of inspiring but he tends to start nagging and it's really, really bad and my patience will run out damn fast. great training but was fighting hard to ignore the fatigue. this is what 4 hours of sleep does to you. WHY am i always the last few to sleep at sleepovers? SO UNFAIR. -.- my alarm actually rang at 8.45 but i snoozed it conveniently till 9+ and in the end switched it off.

and i was even on enough to go for another few hours of singing. the woman at teoheng was like 0.O wow you're here again today? could only smile at her sheepishly. (: only when i dragged myself home then fatigue really hit me full force: i slept on the sofa. Completely zonked out!

btw i think it's really great i carry my 10+ pound ball like it's 2kg now. never mind the muscles in my arm (and the blatant difference between my left and right) i shall become a bodybuilder HA HA HA.

okay so i know it's not funny but i am so..

TIRED. (and a little bored)

P.S.
so i know now being an e lit student has it's prospects (or not?): when someone (my coach) gets stuck at trying to express himself (was trying to find the noun for someone being authoritative), a literature student is expected to provide relief for the stressed individual, and impeccably come up with the lifesaver word: authoritarian.

however i must confess i have let PAT down; faced with such a distressing situation today that all hopes were turned on me so suddenly, i have only managed to give a rather amused smile amidst the murmurs of "e-lit student". FYI in the end it was keith who supplied the magic word, and i must clarify that although e-lit students do have a sharper eye for language and the keener ability to unpack words, we are not word saints with a bottomless pit of vocabulary ready to expel at you non-lit students anytime. Spare us the agony of expectation! :D
you are forewarned: the below is a pile of garbled ranting read at your own risk thank you

I AM SO TIRED!

was really looking forward to training today but my performance at SSC wasn't good at all! i was throwing my ball all over the place and when most can spin their ball now I BLOODY CAN'T and my ball kept going straight. under usual circumstances that would have been fine but MY BALL KEPT GOING TO THE EXTREME RIGHT OR LEFT and i got really, really shitty scores. and the thing? once you lose your spirit everything's lost. i really couldn't stand my own performance and keith was SO RIGHT (for once) when he said "Bi Qi i feel like slapping you! that isn't your standard in competition lor!"

I KNOW! i don't know why i can't spin the ball! ): i always get so mad with myself when i even perform up to my average score. I WAS REALLY FUMING INSIDE hahaha you should have seen how i was feeling inside! Emotional turmoil gah. BLA BLA BLA.

okay but that said it was better after i wore the handguard at kow's club. mostly performed up to or even beyond my average, and that was really gratifying to see your (or mainly the handguard's haha) efforts pay off. the two KKs (haha) even taught me how to loft the ball! Which is like really good the spin's like woha! (though i still can't really tell my ball's spinning at least i can SEE it hook) but everytime i release my ball on the lane it's like "oh another bomb just landed". (thanks keith your constant peppering of snide remarks REALLY MADE MY DAY)

enjoyed bowling but extensive hours of it left me with really bad aches in my arms and i even peeled off a skin bubble (imagine a blister w/o the pus) off my fourth finger. and as much as i hoped i wouldn't happen i must admit, my right thumb is swollen like there's no tomorrow. ):

and am i really PALE? bowling people tell me i'm pale. i came home daddy says i'm pale. mummy just came home she said i'm pale. ??!! okay but after a look into a mirror my lips are like blood red and my body fluctuates around being hot and cold. uh-oh. signs of fever.

AND i hate honking! i have been saying when i hear honking the first thing that pops into my mind is "i'm gonna die" because afterall a horn signals warning and danger what! RIGHT?! that's why i always get the feeling of impending doom whenever i hear honking and mygod i heard it like twice today. I AM NOT OVER-REACTING.

i'm sorry i have been blasting my mouth off & you had to bear with me, i shall go smell my smelly bowling shoes now.
i have been drafting these few days, finding it somehow more apt to be saved as a draft instead of publishing it.

and, on another note i am still adamantly refusing to do my literature assignment due EONS ago because i cannot frikking find my tempest i think Prospero has conjured his magic and took the book away ): PAT shall haunt me when she finds out and maybe if she's the reincarnation of Sycorax she will use her greatest magic to trap me in the pine tree for 12 years just like poor ariel then when i'm finally free i'm like 29 already SOBSOB and no one shall save me because prospero hates me too MYGOD HOW.

(sorry non-lit students! :D)

[edited!]

This song's Prodigal from One Republic! :D Twilight fans have been saying it's the perfect Jacob song, and hell yes i think so too. the lyrics fit perfect!

We say good-bye 
I turn my back 
Run away, run away 
So predictable 
Not far from here 
You see me crack 
Like a bone, like a bone 
I'm so breakable 

And I take everything from you 
But you'll take anything 
Won't you? 

Run away, run away 
Like a prodigal 
Don't you wait for me 
Don't you wait for me 
So ashamed, so ashamed 
But I need you so 
And you wait for me 
And you wait for me 

I'm on the road 
To who knows where? 
Look ahead, not behind 
I keep saying 
There's no place to go 
Where you're not there 
On your rope, I hold tight 
But it's freeing 

And I take everything from you 
But you'll take anything 
Won't you? 

Run away, run away 
Like a prodigal 
Don't you wait for me 
Don't you wait for me 
So ashamed, so ashamed 
But I need you so 
And you wait for me 
And you wait for me 

Everybody wants to be right
But only if it's not day light? 
I keep trying to find my way back 
My way back 

Run away, run away 
Like a prodigal 
Don't you wait for me 
Don't you wait for me 
So ashamed, so ashamed 
But I need you so 
And you wait for me 
And you wait for me 

Runaway 
Runaway 
Runaway 
From you 
From you 

this was due a really, really long time ago, but anyhow i've got around to doing it and putting it together, adjusting and editing it. (:




& elmo's my love geddit ♥i shall tell you all about this um. very interesting (self-proclaimed, though) journey about me trying to find the title to a song.
i heard this song on radio and the moment i heard it i knew it's gonna be one of my favs but i didn't know what's the title of the song, all i caught in the lyrics was "moon" and "eyes". so over the past few days i just kept asking people and i sound so helpless cause all i can go is " eh do you know the title of this song?" then people naturally go "got what lyrics/what's the tune like?" and all i can reply is "um there's like moon and eyes in the lyrics la and the tune kinda goes like dum dee da dum dee dee dum"

-.- yes then everyone diao me. happy?!

HAHAHA but i get the last laugh alright i found the song! :D cannot tell you all how lah secret hahaha. alright here's the bomb it's NINE IN THE AFTERNOON by panic! at the disco. SIGH what a tedious journey to find one song. the song's over there -> on the sidebar! together with nelly's over and over. i keep listening to it i think nelly's voice and the whole tune makes the song.. strangely therapeutic.

i cannot freaking believe danity kane's damaged is like 20th on the charts. I HATE THAT SONG. hello that song sounds psychotic and messed up?! she's just like blasting her vocals off. DO YOU DO YOU HAVE A FIRST AID KIT HANDY?! ZZZZ.

yes la i have in the st john room got a lot go take lor.









shit i'm damn funny.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

- Steve Jobs

Deep gash of regret.

I shouldn't have done that.

总是那么狼狈
最初聽起來像是老天爺的一個玩笑
後來才漸漸明白是我自己笨得可笑

i love scrapbooking!
多希望你对我诚实

the winds are strong, & i can smell/feel rain coming. i've always loved rainy nights, i love crawling into bed feeling my blankets all cold and yet being able to stay warm underneath the sheets. i sleep the best during rainy nights, only i take a long time to sleep because i can't bear to sleep and i want to savour every minute of the comfort of the weather.

it feels good to be alive. it feels good to be in sunny singapore, to be around the people i love and to be able to do the things i want. why do i keep lamenting about the things i don't have? i am so much more fortunate than so many others.

i know how it feels like not being able to face up to yourself, not to be able to live up to your own expectations. but sometimes, i do think we're all going down too hard.. on ourselves. i hate disappointment. As a form of protection of many of us have stopped expecting, stopped hoping, so we will never suffer the pain of disappointment because we have never hoped.

but we never realise how important hope is. we never realise, hope has been the one to keep lives going, to keep souls alive. always be gentle with another's heart, and never never take the hope away from someone. that is the cruelest thing you can do, to extinguish the light of someone's life, and to make them stop believing.

be gentle.
I HATE BLOGGER.

I AM GOING TO SWITCH HOSTS.
You shall barge in through the door and defend her, shielding me from her so that my chagrined attacks looks helplessly like a mess of flailing arms.

I see the effort, but i don't see the truth.

even better if you don't even know what i'm talking about.
Edited 9th June;


I know it's mad to rush out a blogpost but i want to finish this before midnight, before it all ends.

esp june who came over to my house yesterday night and was with me and sang the first birthday song with me at twelve midnight! :D love you girl thank you for your presents (:

this morning i was greeted with wenyi and thad at my doorstep with my cake! haha gotta show you guys the cake i opened the box was like like O.o and then i started laughing and laughing. it looks like a shield volcano super super!



i am a sad sad birthday girl i have to light my own candles! ): SOB.

xie xie ni men i love the cake and all the presents though my sugar level is probably gonna shoot up like siao after eating the entire cake. SUPER SWEET la the cake but i know you guys put in a lot of effort and i love you all for that. :D wenyi's present! :DD

dinner at seoul garden! we walked the WHOLE of marina square before realizing where it was. -.- stuffed ourselves silly in an attempt to make the 28 bucks we paid worth it. hahaha. wenyi is the best la she added chilli into our ice kachang and i didn't know so i ate it and started choking and laughing and i couldn't stop hiccuping after that -.- STUPID WOMAN.


after that we just kept cam whoring. i'm sorry when armed with a camera we tend to get a bit.. um. excited.

these two supermodels. hahaha thaddeus says he is hotter than the female model leh! RIGHT MAN YOU WISH.


FYI i was trying to eat wenyi. hahahahaha. me is edward thirsty for bella's blood. only understandable by twilight readers me is so sorry worx.

i was doing a twist with my left hand if you really squint haha

THIS IS CHAO JI FUNNY the laogong surrending to the laopo. AIYOH WOR.

thaddeus reflecting on uhh his stupidity HAHAHAHA.

& wenyi trying to rise to her nirvana lol.


you know when friends are friends, and when they are otherwise. thank you you two for always being there, for always being there, for always being there. i don't know what sort of state of degrading i would have put myself in w/o you two, and a big part of me being and staying strong, wenyi, has to do with you too. yes now we know now nothing is forever (ha ha), but for as long as it shall be, our friendship shall always, always remain.

As for that, I still don't know if it was worth it, and i guess i shall never find out what lurks behind those seemingly sincere smiles and words. i want to be gracious, i want to give you all benefit of the doubt. Although it's hard, i will manage somehow, to give it to you all. Don't let this faith falter.

:D i've had a really great seventeen, and you two really really made my day.

& the rest of you, too, who wished me, THANK YOU, <3.


memories keep reeling in my mind, and at each significant moment the memories get frozen up in sepia, framed, and a caption scrawled across the bottom. maybe then i can finally be sure i won't forget, and then tuck those into the back of my mind.

we fall, but we also learn. won't, will never be deluded forever

the world swirls round and round, it never stops spinning
will never stop for me, nor for you, you, or you

& this is how it feels
as we go on
we remember
all the times we had together

do we?

edited w photos.

yesterday was.. good. couldn't really sleep well, and not that we had much sleep in the first place. -.- too many things on my mind. learnt how to play mahjong (!) and had to bear getting scolded every minute or so by my mistakes and DANG COME ON! give me a chance. (:

ran in the evening and i ran across pasir ris flyover into the pasir ris estate! :D discovered its a pretty good route to run 'cause its very human-scarce and i only met like, 5 people across 1.5 hrs of running. i like! so proud of myself i ran across an estate alright. haha. nah was just feeling particularly tired & anyway i just reached home and was feeling FAT so i decided to run a bit. very exhilarating, i don't exactly know how to describe it. everytime i run (at my own leisure) it always gives me this feeling of liberation and freedom; and it clears my mind really, really well.



why are there people who change, yet there's some others who resist it, resist change?

how some people can morph into someone different, while others stay stuck in their old negative patterns. how you feel, in a crowded place, everybody's moving past you, and you see them, laughing, talking, and you wonder how everybody manages the changes, while you stay status quo.

perhaps i'm too drawn to tenacity. others change because circumstances demand so.

people move on - some to better places, some to worse in this life.
some cares about the others they've left behind - others do not.

people change.
why am i even surprised?


I spend day and night dreaming about robert pattinson. :D I AM BESOTTED BUT DONT SAVE ME I DONT WANT TO BE SAVED! i really cannot imagine anyone else playing as edward, he's such a fit for the role! AND WHERE'S MY ECLIPSE ): i really hope borders and times has stock!

i was trying to read new moon slowly so i won't finish it so quick and be left with reading Now you see it, but now i'm left with no choice. Alright but nevertheless i shall move on! move on to some story where someone's wife just disappears overnight and the husband races all over Manhattan in a search for her.. and in the process has realizations of his own.
Perfect. I love anyone who has epiphanies.


my brother & I had i mini hair styling competition last night and he made me hair like this -.- damn messy he used like 20 pins! T.T i must have lost a lot of hair that bitch.


okay this looks better but still mind was the best la! i gel his hair until.. hahaha. but he don't allow me to post pictures because he says his reputation is at stake here and he won't get me a present if i post it up ): I'm blackmailed.


Funny how we allow one word to break all the faith that took so long to be built,
we rather believe the lies than the truth,
till everything doesn't make sense anymore.
maybe it's easier that way, when we're all so deluded by what seems illogical.

but towards you i can only be sorry, over and over again.
you deserve better, alright

&on another note;
:D so close i can taste it!
Forgot to slot in this photo from sunday's POP, thats such a gorgeous sunset sky! (: from the grandstand. Love sunsets


hopped down to ngee ann city to watch the SKM cheerfest yesterday! :D

and to my greatest greatest shock i saw my primary school there! at first i really couldn't believe my eyes i was like WHAT ARE THEY DOING THERE but later i realised now my school has cheerleading too and we're in! :D CHONGZHENG I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!

still remember myself wearing the light blue blouse and dark blue pinafore (: my primary school life was the most exciting i tell you. the drama that happened can parallel most drama serials, if not better.

my juniors! haha they had the nicest costumes in their category already. they won 2nd silver somemore! :D was only too bad i missed their performance ):

VJ's non stunt routine!


OOPS haha sorry me is bad camera lady the pillar block you!! ):



took a video of their stunt team routine and other team's really good routines but all taking bloody long to upload. BLAH.

tried finding Eclipse at times and popular and sans bookshop today but to no avail. ): i really want to read i must go down to borders and MPH soon.

the only reliable witness will be time
it feels weird to go back as someone who has passed out and not someone who signed on, and it's almost as if we're not really invited but we're still there. At first i thought going back wld be like, rewarding of sorts because we finally see our kids pass out but that wasn't exactly the feeling, it was different. in fact i felt nothing at all.. kinda guilty, but still.. glad to see them finally pass out.

a flurry of heads, they were singing back at the beginning with you

we told them to strike a cool pose from their dance & they did this :D super cute

SMC 3 '07 instructors! :DD blur photo but shhh beauty in imperfection alright (:

& with the rest of the squad


EDWARD! <3 Bella looks stunning i think she looks like avril lavigne here.

wong biqi just had an..

epiphany!

ITS JUNE! :D