They always say loving is a commitment. I think its so because when we love, we commit our heart to someone else. We let it be subject to the tyranny of our other half, such that his every action, every word, affects our emotions. He's king of your heart. Its does seem foolish to be subjugated like that, but we keep doing it because most times, he makes you feel like king instead. If you say your relationship aint like that, subjugated or whatnot, then its only because love has turned into indifference. We are the most helpless and obliging people when in the face of people we love.


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Sometimes you're so insensitive you're a pain to be around.

Yes its you stop asking me who.
Who do you think you are?

Honestly, I never really thought you would be like that. To judge so quickly and think you are in a better place just because you've got something I don't have. Whoever said I needed it? You're only marginally better off because you chose to be, and I chose not to be. I had options, I just didn't want them. I could be bitchy and tell you all the awful stuff people think about you, but that would make me like you and god I don't want that. I think at least, we should respect each other's choices. Because that is what friends do, right? Don't just assume I want your kind of life. I don't. To think I almost let you get to me.

Just for record's sake! Although my wishlist extends far beyond makeup, it's probably more stable than clothes or whatnot. And just one wishlist, so I don't feel so tragically poor. I just ordered a few nyx blushes and I must say I've very excited to get them, because I've been looking for a cooler matte brown for a contour shade (sorry mac harmony) and I finally found it! Extra plus points because nyx is so affordable, and the cream blushes and I have from them are already lovely. Okay, here I go!

1. Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer
2. Lancaster Kaleidoscope
3. MAC Strobe Cream
4. Chanel Pressed Powder
5. MAC Face and Body
6. Chanel Vitalumiere
7. YSL Touche Eclat
8. Loreal Nude Brown
9. MAC Mineralized Skinfinish
10. Bourjois Rose D'or
11. Smashbox Proof Sheet
12. Smashbox Fusion Soft Lights
13. Benefit Brow-zings
14. NARS Deep Throat
15. MAC Blacktrack
16. Smashbox O-Glow
17. Body Shop Illuminator
18. MAC 116 Brush
19. Body Shop Kabuki Brush (softest shit ever)

1-4 are must gets. Half the products here aren't available in singapore actually so I dread the shipping fees. Esp nars I'm very scared of nars hahaha the last time I got mc to get orgasm from aussie for me it wound up costing 60$+. Obviously in the end I realized makeup in aussie is incredibly expensive and could only blame myself for not doing proper research. Anyway now I've found my another trusty place to order from: ASOS! They have most of the mainstream brands and cult products. And free shipping how awesome is that. I also tried calling the lancaster counter in sg (only one sad little counter) to enquire about the kaleidoscope, but the SA was busy and said she'd call me back but didn't :(

On another note my parcels from asos hasn't reached me and I'm starting to get antsy because I wanna see them before I leave for jb! Waiting for my arty ring too, amongst many other rings (heehee), and hello kitty contacts case (bought when I was bored). Hope I get them soon! x

My bb screen w my own wallpaper! :D


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Insanely fed up w my kid. I don't expect any of you to understand, just need to rant.

He mumbles when he talks. Number one thing that pisses me off. He'd say things like "the graph is like that because the plant...." And then I'd be ??? At first I knew he was shy, so I understood and tolerated, expecting the situation to improve over time. Which didn't happen. He just kept mumbling, even after I expressed my annoyance very explicitly and told him directly that he sld stop (fucking) mumbling because I cannot hear him for the love of god and will keep asking him to explain so isn't it better if he just speakers loudly and clearly right from the start? Then he'd start talking slightly louder and half an hour later, back to square one.

He refuses to ask me questions. I told him from day one, don't knw anything, ask me. Don't understand my explanations, ask me. Ask!! Asking is important, because I don't knw what he don't knw. I laid ground rules very early, because I was afraid he'd think asking was embarrassing. So I spent a lot of time encouraging him, which eventually I realized was time wasted. When I finish explaining a question I'd ask "do you understand?" And he'd nod. I ask him to explain the answer back to me, he can't do it. At the point other kids will say "can you explain again?" or "I don't knw how to explain because I didn't rly understand" but this boy just keeps quiet and stares at his paper. After an eternity of silence, I'm the one who loses her patience and explains to him all over again. This happens twice or thrice every lesson.

Because he doesn't communicate with me, I don't knw what he doesn't know. So imagine my utter shock when every few lessons or so, I find out that he doesn't knw some fucking basic things. Like matter expands when heated, contracts when cooled. Or what the fuck is matter in the first place. (Which my p3 kid is learning nw, and he's p5. Can you believe him) These discoveries just make my day, man. I'm honestly very shocked he doesn't knw so many things. And I knw you might say it is my responsibility to make him knw, but hello? What I can do is v limited. If I have to teach him stuff from scratch, I can't do it with 3 hours every week. I need ten times that amount of time. I still have to revise w him his current p5 stuff. Talk about accumulated study debt that has snowballed. (And is crushing him nw and will crush him forever, unless he does smthg about it)

He doesn't bother to memorise stuff I told him is very, very important and basically forms the fundamentals of his studies. I've taken psle myself, and taught enough kids through psle to know what are things you simply HAVE to know. Like techniques to answer science questions. What's the relationship between X and Y? The answer is always as X in/decreases, Y in/decreases. What's the purpose of the control set-up? The answer is always to ensure that the difference in experiment results is due to the changed variable. What's the aim of the experiment? To see if variable X affects Y. Standard answers! Answers that if you bother to memorise, you can never go wrong. Within the first week of lessons, I wrote all these standard answers on a drawing block and pasted it on top of his study table so whenever he does a science paper, all he has to do is refer. Of course I was hoping in the long run he would gradually remember them. And yes, evidently that hope didn't materialize. Yesterday when I went through the science paper w him, I told him to memorise the content on the paper one final time cause his exam is tmrw. I tested him today, and he. still. can't. memorise. them. Speechless. The brutal fact is, if you are slow (read: nice word for stupid) and also lazy, that's effectively jumping into the abyss of academic suicide nobody can save you from.

His parents don't bother to communicate with me to find out how their son is doing. As if I'm the sole person responsible for his studies. I knw I can't expect parents to bother, but their son is really not doing well and he has such serious problems communicating I initially sincerely thought he was autistic. You would think parents wld pay more attention to such a kid, eh? Nope. When I first started I talked to the mum on several occasions to understand why he has so much difficulty talking and responding, to which she said he has always been like that (or in other words, telling me I have to deal with it). So for the first few lessons, I spent the bulk of the time being a counselor, being nice, telling him its alright, open up, I won't bite, blabla. And then I got tired when all those didn't work. Hello?! When you pay me $18 an hour, you are paying for a tutor. Tutor meaning go through work, helping him academically. It definitely doesn't include counseling fees. If you expect lessons to be effective that kid has gotta get through his psychological problems first. I also realize that as his tutor, I have the general responsibility for ensuring that these psychological problems are eradicated, through my own efforts or otherwise. But for the fee they are paying me and the fact that I am a student teaching tuition part time, they cannot expect me to come up with elaborate lesson plans formulated specially for him and his problems. I don't have the time, nor the expertise. Those are stuff that full time tutors do. If they want that, they simply have to hire someone else.

They also don't give me refreshments (I've complained abt this to many people haha). I realise I sound very petty and anal, but um its a basic courtesy no? Even if somebody comes into your house just for five minutes, you offer a drink. Don't even need to be packet drinks! Plain water does it. I honestly don't knw why his parents lack that basic courtesy. If I do a quick count, I've taught about 7 places thus far and never met with such a situation. I even get all sorts of food, like egg tarts cakes iced tea green bean soup papaya omg I could go on. Of course I realize that comes from incredibly generous parents that are very difficult to come across. Just saying. The main thing is, I get very very thirsty, especially more so if I'm talking your unresponsive kid. And I've gotten used to not having to bring/buy water when I go for tuition lessons. Which makes it very annoying I have to force myself to remember, or I end up being thirsty. I knw I can ask for water I just refuse to. Fuck nw yall are saying I asked for it right. Sigh hahaha.

So after all these, why am I not quitting? I am. just thought I should at least bring him through SA1, so I've been putting it off. But I conclude my limits have been reached, so I'm ending it after this month. Normally I would be nice and ask somebody I know to take over so he/she would be in good hands, but I won't even do that. Too cruel to the next tutor.

(You don't knw what good this ranting has done for me Maann I need to rant more often)

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Blogger is down! So so annoying.

This was what I was practicing the whole morning:

NOT(false AND NOT (true) OR true AND NOT (false ))
= NOT (OR (AND (false, not (true)), AND(true, not (false))
= NOT (OR (AND (false, false), AND (true, true))
= NOT (OR (false, true))
= NOT (true)
=FALSE

Yeah made me go crazy for a while there. In the end? Never come out fml.

I foresee this blogspot slowly becoming my camwhoring space eh. Anyway, 3 more papers to go! I'm sure I did badly for yesterday's paper but.. :'( Oh well.

On to happier things! I have a ring fetish now. Yes, its a lot more financable than having fetishes for blush, esp mac and nars ones. I  just ordered a.. healthy amount of rings from various stores and ljs online! :D Eagerly waiting for them to arrive.

Was reading some of my archives, and came across this which I posted last yr around may.

That day we had squad dinner, it was a little sad because there were only 7 of us. Actually 6, 'cause tiffny turned up late. A lot of people didn't come because of various reasons, but I know some people just cldn't be bothered. It was a phase of their lives that came and passed, that might not be important anymore. I don't know how to describe it, but while we were eating and chatting, I remember the times when we dragged our heavy uniform bags and half-dead selves into KFC, noisily pushing 5-6 tables together so it could accommodate all of us. And then we will buy trays and trays of food, adelyn and wanting will fight over who gets my chicken skin, and I will yell at adie for biting the skin off her nuggets and then stirring it in mashed potato. Shunjie and zhiying will mimic seniors and juniors, and we will laugh our heads off bitching about other people. We recount our JNCO days like it happened yesterday, about how we screwed up our punishment writing 300 lines and hongsheng wrote "Grade 6 Officer Sir XX walks like a traffic light" or something like that. About how we were struggling to place joaee on the stretcher and he crushed my leg in the process. About how we secretly decided before activations that if we saw hejin lying anywhere we would ignore her and save others. It was.. endless. I could go on forever. We were tired, but we were happy with each other's company.

That day wenyi was telling me abt her db team, so I started thinking about SJ too. I know I seem so.. overtly sentimental or something. But it is hard to forget, even so many years on. I make no attempt to glorify things but SJ has taught me so much, and left so many good memories. I don't think I can ever do a proper post on my days in SJ, because it is so difficult to translate exactly how I feel. I could tell you how we are all very different people and we all hang with our own friends, but when we come together it is so easy to slip back into the close r/s we had, very much like a family. But I don't think you'd understand entirely, so I don't really want to try.

Sometimes I regret time took us apart into our own little cliques and lives, barely talking or meeting each other since we POPed/left dhs. I think most of us will tell our children the same stories, that st john was one of the best part of our lives. I will always, always be proud of us, that we had this relationship others didn't.

Study mode! I look like a guy.