Year's coming to a close.

'07 has been happy & sad & hurting & exciting & maybe most of all, memorable. tried to think of something else to say besides the fact that i've grown, matured all that yada cause everyone's saying it. it's hard, maybe even impossible to go through one year w/o growing or maturing at all.

perhaps something else.. that when i stop expecting so much, things come as they should, and i can find happiness in the tiniest things. i've never been a perfectionist or anything close, but i don't know why i.. keep expecting. expecting people to do things. & once i've learnt to let go of that, it hurts a little less and i finally realise people can do without you as well.

promises of forever are so.. fleeting. you're happy when you hear it, but in the end you find that forever will never come. promises made for the moment, and that moment only. & then you think you've let forever slip away from you when it the first place it wasn't even there, and that it never existed at all.

heartbreaks are inevitable, and it's what makes all of us grow. the kind of undying strength and love i see people have for others seem so amazing, and so out of reach. it's like.. my nirvana. maybe i can never do it. loving someone is actually so simple you know, but somehow we just have to complicate, confuse and distort it.

someone came along & told me:
"it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Perhaps a heartbreak, a loss of someone, is like.. a trip to the heavens and back. A ride at the carnival. It hurts, it makes you afraid of going through the same thing again, but it makes you grow, and the next time you love somone, you find that you're able to love him/her in a way you weren't capable of doing before.

i've tried & fallen, received & lost, lived & loved. there's more to come, & i wanna see what 08 has in store for me.

happy '08 guys (:
had the best dream in a long time last night (:

I WAS A WEDDING PLANNER!

& i was organising the wedding for alyssa and (i forgot the groom's name) haha & the wedding was a big big big big success & after them i had many many clients! somehow i had an english name then - vivian. LOL :D

maybe i should really have vivian as my english name then my dream will come true ? (:

fingers crossed.
Love is night jasmine,
a diamond in darkness,
the heartbeat no cardiologist has ever heard.

It is the most common of miracles, fashioned of fleecy clouds
-- a handful of stars tossed into the night sky

edit/


wonder if all this will end up in heartbreak and shattered hopes.

i swear the next time i'm going to orchard for x'mas i'm going there - armed with 10 cans of snow spray.

super tired these few days. spent all my money. T.T

ytd was fun hahaha :D zhiying i want that gown ): but not much chance to wear it huh haha.

& '07 coming to a close
next year will be better (:

will leave the emo post for 31st or 30th if i'm not going to be free on 31st. sry for the lack of updates (:
WOO!

am very excited about later. haha.

not saying anything doesn't mean i don't feel anything.
just means i chose to keep quiet.

i don't even know why i'm blogging now omg i'm gna be late.

friday night went sch for the supposed campfire which was bloody cancelled and changed venue to the hall for performance night which was.. mundane. boring. the good part was seeing the rest of the sqdmates who had "2 hrs 45 mins of sleep in 2 days" really very poor thing, can tell they're rly exhausted. which was why we go and buy some food for them (: in the end we cldn't stay overnight in school tgth with them, & on hs's brainwave we went to macs and stayed there for a night playing cards and talking. we were like.. delinquents. haha.

I AM A DELINQUENT HUH HUH HUH
SO YOU WANT TO FIGHT?
:D
went to fullerton ytd! work there so long alr first time go fullerton haha.

while i was buying lunch and walking along clarke quay i found MY BAR! hahaha super coincidental.

wedding theme was pink & it was srsly pink until cannot pink anymore haha. the whole place was bathed in pink light. it's very nice when you first step in but i think the over pinkness gets a bit suffocating sometimes. haha. the lights in the room:


wedding presents for each guest. d for daryl and c for charis i think.

super grand. even the stairway to the ballroom was lined with flower display.

pink, pink. everything pink.

now you know what i mean? haha. they had names or virtues for each table.

the reception/photo taking area.

the carpet of the above. sewn in petals.

the lights on the candles at the huge water feature at the stairs. it's like floating candles and ornament display (: v romantic.

i made this i made this i made this! :D


almost finished ;



the last touches. you see those white sleeved waiters and waitress & hotel managers wedding planners and couple's family & friends coming in to check the whole place.. woha. the amount of work that went into a single wedding dinner.. awesome.


satisfaction (: but tired like siao.
i am soooooooo

excited. hahahahahaha. omg i am going crazy.

SHUNJIE SHUNJIE YOU MUST BUY OK! :DDDDD counting on you alr hahaha.
glad things were finally sorted out, a load off my chest (: thank you, you knw who you are.

all i ever wanted all i ever wanted;

i feel like going overseas. somewhere, someplace. i don't know where exactly. maybe m'sia since i miss my relatives so much. or maybe in some third world country. then i cld bring food to the poor and starving kids there lol.

god since when have i become so.. saintly. so maybe when they say you've had the experiencing of losing someone, you learn to treasure and appreciate the things around you a little more.

christmas's coming. & i want it to the best xmas ever.
worked my ass off ytd. but actually it's quite slack me & sherm sat arnd w nth to do for arnd 2 hrs cause we were waiting for the waiters to put up the lazy susans on each table. but easy money so i'm not complaining hahaha.

can't wait to watch my 斗牛要不要 it's getting super super exciting!

strength ; we all need a dose of it sometime

&

courage ; is not lack of fear, but acting in spite of it.


thankyousomuch - i needed it.
maybe it's more apt to say.. i'd go with fate. with how god wants this to turn out.

i should be very happy, i shouldn't be this way. i know i know i know. but i'd be back (: sooner than ever

even my brother starts showing me little acts of affection. if this cld bring about such a change in my brother, then somehow i think it's worth it.

love isn't love till you give it away.



worked.

am very tired. haha. it was bloody slack can though we had 200 organzas to tie -.- siao tie sash until i sibei sian of sashes haha. we kept having food from one of the nice staff uncles there (:

working tmr again! i will work till i die i want the $$$ haha.

i'm fine! thanks to those who cared (:

piglet <3
been a tough week, & perhaps the only thing i can do now is to say this:

i've said all i wanted to, and needed to say. it's okay if you all don't get it, it's okay if you all still feel the same about me, because i've got nothing more to prove, i've got nothing more to say that will in any way help to clear my name off the crimes you all have put me on. i'm as tired as you all are,

& even if the whole world turns their back on me, i'd still stay strong.

even if i'm fucking alone, understand. though i'm not, anyway.
went back to the old dhs campus ytd with the 4h people. ): reminiscence! had our lunch at the kfc (since super long ago haha like when we always had our dinner there after friday/saturday routine trainings) we walked there in the rain so when we arrived we saw june low and lu hang ling lao shi we were drenched haha we must have looked super ridiculous. cldn't rly see the rest of the sch cause it was all construction so after taking 2 photos we left for the leisure park -.- walked in ankle high mud and got ourselves looking super super lang bei again haha.

skated for 2 hours & omg i fell thrice haha but it was fun (x much prefer roller blading though. kns i was so scared any moment i was going to cut myself with the blades on the skates!& i ended up with 3 blisters on my left leg haha. okay but much better than yuhong who had 6/7? & it was while trying to save thaddeus -.- jm was wreaking havoc with her blading haha and thaddeus kept trashing me in scissors paper stone not fair! fun fun fun.

at night we went esplanade and i started to cheer all the stjohn cheers on the rooftop -.- i don't know why i did it also.. just felt like i haven't done it in a long time & i miss the feeling when we were running around the school and cheering our hearts out.. memories (:

pictures another day! haven't gotten them yet.

the rest.. shhhhhhhhhh haha.
Just back from squad chalet this morning. Was tired so i slept from early afternoon all the way to the evening. haha sometimes i'm amazed i can sleep so much at all when we weren't that sleep deprived from the chalet - afterall we DID sleep. Quite a lot for some of us, really.

Last night we just sat down and started talking 'bout weddings & marriages & husbands and spouses and about how i was going to go and plan weddings for everyone :D manching declared he was never going to get married (yeah him and his monkhood ha) & we kept discussing who was gng to get married first and last. shortly after the guys became extremely sick and i kept laughing until my stomache super super pain!

greatchalet(:

when i came home first thing my mum asked me was whether i brought any friends over last night & i was like HUH? turns out my dad found a cigarette near the sofa this morning but it cldn't have been any of us 'cause we don't smoke the who else could it have been? kns damn freaky.

me and tiffny taking super ugly photos hahahah this was srsly the fugliest of all! my buck tooth has become super duper pro. FUCKING UGLY HAHAHA.









our trademark photopose already (:
Long time since i blogged (properly) over here. been working at shang & tht day we did a chinese tradition wedding! :D very nice. and now i have to present to you all the greatest wedding scam i realised only after living for 16 yrs and having being cheated almost half my life.

THE GREATEST WEDDING SCAM

and you thought these wedding cakes were the most beautiful things ever and everything! and i thought so too until one day i went to place the flowers on the cake and i thought the cake was really quite weird cause it has 5 layers so its supposed to be like made very intricately and delicately but the cake was like.. haphazardly placed so i went to examine it further and realised it's actually just styrofoam on the inside and fake crust and icing on the outside.


that small part that's special is the part where the wedding couple cuts into the cake so the whole audience is fooled! super super super disgusting next time my wedding cake better be a totally real one.

i'd be the wedding planner anyway.

:D

happy.