I never expected to be this unhappy, and to think I was the one who pushed myself into this abyss. I won't even try to articulate how I feel, because with every word, with every thought, I shake more, I think more, I cry more, I die a little more inside. This is not supposed to do this to me. It's not supposed to make me feel smaller. It's not supposed to reduce me to this mess I can't recognize. For once, I pray fervently that the walls I've built around myself would just protect me. Protect me from this storm, this tornado that is sweeping away every ounce of strength I have.

















Impromptu breakfast @ Privé this morning. This dude texted me at 6am and we discussed plans for 10.30am. Insane or? Only had two hours sleep. And today will be a super long day/night.

Anyway, this gem of a cafe was well-tucked into an obscure part of Harbourfront. We walked across the boardwalk, and paid for entry into sentosa, before realizing its bloody far so we took a cab, told him the address and he drove out of sentosa, right back to where we were before. Fuck?! Hahaha. Turns out google maps on my phone was a misleading bitch.

Anyhow, this place does live up to its gorgeous name. I thought the breakfast was going to be ridiculously expensive, but it's actually pretty affordable. Where the food wasn't that awesome, their view made up for it. Great place to chill and talk the afternoon away. Thanks for the treat! : )



Explored a less visited Kampong Glam today! We've gotten so used to the glitzy lure of shopping malls it's always a little more exciting to visit these forgotten parts of Singapore.




So close, 6 more hours and it's all over!

I cannot wait.
In the midst of these bimbospeak, I would like to take the opportunity to celebrate the life of Dominique. The last time I saw him was at Sherm's 21st party. It feels surreal to even remember seeing him then, knowing well now that he exists someplace else. I do not know him personally, some of my friends do, but his unfortunate death has brought the reality of loss much closer to me than anything else. While we mourn the passing of a man who died too young, I have realized several other things. Many left messages on his Facebook wall over the past few days. It is so incredibly heartwarming to see all those emotions, people describing what they miss about him and how he has made a difference in their lives. What makes me sad is the thought that he might have left this world without knowing that all these people loved him for the many different things.

It is so regretful that people don't let their loved ones know how they feel about them when they are living well. Why is it only in time of loss, we pull up every single dreg of memory we can find - photos, messages, posts - evidence that they were once very much alive, just like you and I, evidence that they were just a phonecall away. All coping mechanisms.

I wished we lived in a society where people express love to their friends and family all the time. Why can't we deal with fifty other people telling us "I love you"? Why is it that friends can't say that to the opposite gender and not come across as having feelings deeper than friendship? We're not used to an over the top display of affection from anyone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend. It shouldn't be this way, because all of our hearts is big enough to love so many people at the same time. We are stingy with our emotions and love because we think it can only be for one person. But that's not true. It doesn't cost us more to love others the same. Nor does loving others diminish how much we love our boy/girlfriends. We only stop loving when we know that our love no longer makes a difference.